Nearing the End

The House of Mirth by Edith Wharton

Chapters 12 & 13

"'Once - twice - you gave me the chance to escape from my life, and I refused it: refused it because I was a coward. Afterward I saw my mistake - I saw I could never be happy with what had contented me before. But it was too late: you had judged me - I understood. It was too late for happiness - but not too late to be helped by the thought of what I had missed. That is all I have lived on - don't take it from me now! Even in my worst moments it has been like a little light in the darkness. Some women are strong enough to be good by themselves, but I needed the help of your belief in me. Perhaps I might have resisted a great temptation, but the little ones would have pulled me dow. And then I remembered - I remembered your saying that such a life could never satisfy me; and I was ashamed to admit to myself that it could. That is what you did for me - that is what I wanted to thank you for. I wanted to tell you that I have always remembered; and that I have tried - tried hard...'" (Wharton, page 250).

Lily Bart has changed. Her monologue I quoted above fully showed me the change that Lily has finally encountered. Previously, I believed she had already changed in small ways but then she always seemed to revert back to herself. In these two chapters, Lily admits many things I believed to be true about her and seems to have finally figured out herself. With many clues though, the book seems to be leading to the last strand of Lily's existence. 

The full setting of chapter twelve reminds me of the first chapter of the novel. Lily reminds herself of that day when she enters Selden's apartment. With the letters in her jacket, I fully believed Lily was going to confront Selden about the letters. She surprised me when she left that she threw them in the fire. The letters appeared to symbolize her past life of luxury as they were her last ticket to return to her former life. As a whole, the novel seems to be a parallel of itself. The start of the book placed Lily with Selden at his home, and the end of the book placed her in his home again. The novel seems to show Lily's rise to her peak as she was proposed to by Rosedale to her rock bottom as she is finding herself without money.

I was fully surprised when the money from her aunt's legacy came to her at her room. I thought Lily could have taken the money instead of paying off Trenor at the time. He could wait especially if she was certain she was not to return to her former life and her former friends. I want to know where Carry Fisher and Gerty are. They seemed fully supportive of helping Lily but in her time of most need, neither of them seem to be around to help her through her rough time. 

Lastly, Lily Bart is the protagonist. In another since though, she seems to be the antagonist. Trenor does seem like the likely candidate for this position. I do believe he is an antagonist but he did not bring about Lily's fall. She rightfully owed Trenor money so he is at no fault besides leading her on. Lily, with her careless actions, brought about her own demise by beating herself down.